Feel It All
by Polexia Aphrodite
Summary: Now married and in college, Bella returns to Forks to discover what she's missing and what she can't escape. Post Eclipse. Jacob/Bella.
1. Chapter 1

_Feel It All_

By Polexia Aphrodite

Rating: M

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any characters portrayed in the story below.

Notes: This takes place after _Eclipse_, partly because, after hearing about the plot, I'm not reading _Breaking Dawn_, so it's AU.

I told myself I wouldn't write this, for so many reasons. But I did it anyway because I can't help myself. Let me know if you like it, I've got more.

***

_Spring_

*

Jacob opened his eyes fractionally, only enough to see the grey swath of daylight that shone through his window and bounced off the faux-wood paneling of his bedroom wall, filling the cramped room with reflected light. _Too bright_ he thought dimly _Must be almost noon already._ He burrowed his face into his pillow, tightening his arms around the sleeping woman next to him until she groaned in irritation as she, too, emerged from sleep.

"Five more minutes," Bella murmured, her voice thick and sleepy.

"C'mon," he sighed, rolling himself off of her and poking bare back gently, "It's late already. You should take a shower."

She turned to face him. Her face was partially obscured by the dark, sleep-tangled mess of her hair, but Jacob could still make out her withering glower.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

He lied on his back, eyes closed, his face absent of expression.

"You haven't showered since you got here. I can still smell him on you."

*

Charlie had picked her up from SeaTac the day before and driven her across the Olympic Peninsula to Forks, where she'd enjoyed a hero's welcome. It was her third visit back from New Hampshire, from Dartmouth, in the last six months, but the close-knit community welcomed her back with undiminished enthusiasm. Jacob had offered to pick her up, of course, undeterred by the prospect of the seven-hour round-trip drive as long as half of the drive could be spent packed into his tiny Volkswagen with _her._

Much to Jacob's chagrin, Chief Swan had been only to happy to shuttle his daughter back to Forks, but, after the party had died down, Jacob had driven her to La Push. He thought the fact that he had only pulled over twice to hold her and feel her arms around him showed remarkable restraint.

He had no idea how Bella had, three times, managed to elude the Cullens' watchful gaze long enough to escape to Washington, but he found he couldn't be bothered to care much, as long as she kept coming back.

***

_Autumn_

*

On her first trip back, a welcome party had congregated at Chief Swan's home and Jacob had been there. Her inner conflict had been apparent as she struggled not to look at him, to focus instead on her father and mother as they begged her for stories from her new life on the East Coast. He had left quietly after a half an hour.

He had returned to La Push, sitting numbly on the rocky beach until the bright autumn sky darkened into evening. Later, long after Billy had gone to bed, Jacob had heard the rumble of Bella's ancient Ford as it clambered to a stop on the darkened, gravel drive.

He had met her on his porch. Her arms flung around his shoulders, and they stood together in silence, neither knowing how to express the heartache they felt. Bella hadn't said anything as she pulled his face towards her, pressing her lips against his. Her sudden audacity shocked him, but the surge of anger and frustration that rose in his chest somehow only made his arms close around her waist more tightly and his lips press against her skin more fervently.

She was in his bed minutes later. They were almost silent. An eavesdropper could only have heard the soft _click_ as the buttons of Bella's shirt hit the hard floor, the _woosh_ing noise of bed sheets being pushed aside, and the muffled, fast, desperate breaths of the pair as they touched, felt, and joined for the first time.

She was gone before he woke, and he felt an instant pang of regret that he couldn't have met the day with her warm and close.

*

She stayed in Forks for three days on her first trip back, and every night she spent in La Push.

"So you're not changed yet?" Jacob had asked in the dark, early hours one morning. They lay next to each other in his bed, covered by his soft comforter, though she was the only one chilled by the night air. He had cringed instantly at the inanity of his obvious question, but she had only smiled.

"Not yet," her eyes met his and the sadness in her expression made him pull her closer, "But soon."

His fingers spread wide against her narrow back, warming her to the core.

"I don't understand why this is happening," he admitted after a long silence, "I thought you wanted to be changed. I thought you wanted _him_."

She sighed against his chest. Her hand trailed down the side of his waist, her palms finally pressing against the slight curve of his narrow hips, making him shudder uncontrollably.

"There have been…complications. I don't know what I want anymore."

It was an answer that was good enough for him. Good enough for now.

***

_Winter_

*

3Bella returned again for Christmas, and Jacob had driven through snow and sleet to bring her to La Push.

When they pulled up to Billy's house, he hadn't helped her out of his car, hadn't held her hand as they walked up the ice-coated walkway to the house. He didn't want to be Edward Cullen. He didn't want to treat her like she was made of glass. Edward Cullen's Bella was fragile, malleable, and weak, always in need of protection, whether she knew it or not. But Jacob Black's Bella was stronger, surer of herself, and she could (and did) walk across icy paths on her own. As they reached the porch, she grinned up at him, her nose and cheeks were red, pinched by the cold. She hadn't slipped once.

She stayed for a week that time. She never brought up her new, absent husband. Instead, Jacob found her his constant companion. They spent long hours acting as if the Cullens had never come to Forks, as if Edward had never existed. Bella found herself compelled to be near him. He wasn't her replacement sun any more; he had become the only sun she knew.

On her last night, she had come to La Push, as she had every night of the previous week. She had made love to him eagerly and adventurously. The longer she stayed in Forks, it seemed, the bolder she became. Afterward, as he lay breathless beside her, he hadn't been able to stop himself from asking the one question that had poisoned his mind since the first night he had taken her into his bed.

"Why do you want this with me?" his voice was low. Her eyes met his, her brow furrowed, but he continued, "Why don't you want this with him?"

She paused, looking away. When she finally spoke, her voice was quiet. "I do. I did. I don't know. I wanted to experience this (she waved her hand between them) as a human first. And we tried—"

"You _what?_" He couldn't help interrupting her; he felt the hair on the back of his neck bristle unconsciously. Jacob leaned to brush her bare shoulder with his hand, "He could have killed you, Bells."

Her tone soured, "But he didn't." Bella's expression contorted suddenly, and she pulled her hands up to cover her face, inadvertently knocking Jacob's hand away. He stayed still for a long moment, until he finally heard her shuddering sob, muffled by her hands.

He didn't pull her to him, but instead shifted closer to her. "What happened?"

Her voice was thick with emotion. Had it not been for his preternatural hearing, he would not have been able to make out her barely-audible tones.

"It was awful. It was so _cold_. And it couldn't help but hurt me, and then he never wanted to try again."

Jacob stiffened slightly, measuring his breaths carefully.

"So," he began tentatively, "you came to me to get the human experience you wanted?"

Her hands fell away from her face and she looked at him in horror. "No!" she nearly shouted, before lowering her voice self-consciously, thinking of Billy asleep across the hallway. "I thought that's what it was in the beginning – what it was going to be, I mean. But after it happened, it wasn't about that at all," an unreleased sob tightened her throat, "Why else would I keep coming back? Why else would I keep putting off changing? You treat me like you understand me, like you're not afraid of me."

"You know it would be different after you changed, though."

She laughed coldly. "Different, yes," she sighed and leaned into his chest, "I never knew how much I wanted to be human until last fall."

Jacob felt his throat clench with emotion. "Stay here, Bells. Don't go back."

Bella shrugged, even though she knew he would see through her attempt at nonchalance. "We're married now. And he still loves me."

He stopped himself before asking if she still loved Edward. He knew she would say "yes."

"So do I," he murmured, burying his face in her dark hair and closing his arms around her.

He looked down at her. Her half-dry eyes filled with new tears.

She pressed her lips to his, beginning a kiss that deepened slowly, with aching intensity. She pulled back briefly and shifted. Her breath was hot by his ear; her voice was husky but weak.

"I wish I could say it back."

Jacob smiled and brought his hands to frame her face, "You don't have to."

Her reciprocating smile didn't touch her eyes, but her hands ran across his shoulders and her mouth met his. Jacob shifted, his hands tracing her waist, her hips, as he lowered himself, placing his mouth between her legs. She stifled a groan, her fingers woven in his long, dark hair. He had developed an affinity for this, particular act, which had initially mortified her before she came to revel in the obscene pleasure it aroused.

As her breathing grew faster and more frantic, he shifted again, moving to hover above her. Her leg wound around his hips in a silent demand and, in another second, he was inside her. Bella gasped and tightened her grip on him as he lowered a hand to touch her where their bodies met. Her hands grasped his lower back and hips, pulling him into her more deeply. Moments later, she sighed as her climax sent waves of relief through her shuddering body. He followed her into ecstasy soon after, his body leaning over hers limply.

It was always like that between them. So simple, natural, easy. Bella knew that her love for Edward was extraordinary, ethereal and unreal; a dream come to life. But she also couldn't escape the realization, made even more apparent in the moments after their coupling when her entire body hummed with awareness, that Jacob was fast becoming her true touchstone. It was alongside Jacob that she had achieved physical awakening. Her sexual self, once a source of embarrassment, now roared to life.

He leaned up on his elbows, placing his hand over her chest, his eyes bored into hers.

"Will this still be beating next time I see you?"

His voice was soft and serious. Bella could only nod and pull him to press against her in the dark. The warm, skin-to-skin contact made her sigh in satisfaction. _I knew there was more_ she thought as she drifted into sated, dreamless sleep, _I knew it._

*

Twenty-four hours later, she was back in New Hampshire, surrounded by the supernaturally beautiful Cullens.

Edward never left her side. His hand hovered at the small of her back as he walked her into the new Cullen residence, a Victorian manse that had been recently refurbished, courtesy of Alice's foretold investments.

Edward carried her suitcase to her room, despite Bella's protestations. Alone with him in the high-ceilinged, airy room, she wondered if his heightened senses could intuit anything about how she had spent the last week.

He pulled her to him, flashing a lopsided grin before pressing his cool lips to her forehead, cheek, neck, and mouth. He moved to sit on her bed, lounging back on her pillows and gesturing for her to join him, which she did, obediently as always.

Bella couldn't help the pang of desire that rocked through her. In two trips to Forks, she had transformed and, though it had been Jacob who had inspired her, she longed to experience the same feeling with the man to whom she was legally bound.

She reached up, her hand brushing his face. His irises were inky black. He had missed her.

"Tell me about Forks," he said brightly, catching her hand in his and holding it still.

"Edward," she began, her recent trip had injected confidence into her like a drug, "Please." To punctuate her demand, she moved to straddle his hips. Part of her knew that it would be too much for him, that his protective instinct would overpower him, but she felt half-wild with need to experience with him what she had with Jacob. Her mind was flooded with one thought: _This _has_ to happen now._

Bella ran her hands under his thin T-shirt, purposefully ignoring the cold, hard skin of his stomach and repressing the compulsion to compare it to Jacob's warm, muscled flesh.

He removed her hands and pushed her gently away from him in one, fluid gesture. Neither of them said anything. Bella felt herself crumple with disappointment and despair. But she fought valiantly against it, settling herself next to him, prompting him to fill her in on what she had missed in New Hampshire and waiting for sleep to claim her.

***

_Spring_

*

"You haven't showered since I got here. I can still smell him on you."

She rolled her eyes.

"You didn't seem to think I smelled that bad last night," she teased.

He smiled; his eyes were closed. She moved her feet over the edge of the bed to stand, but he grabbed her arm before she could move away. He sat up, pulling her against him, kissing her deeply. Leaning back, he looked down at her face. His nose wrinkled.

"I guess I can deal with it if I have to."

She shoved his shoulder (being careful not to shove hard enough to hurt herself), a smile tugging at the corners of her mouth as she sauntered towards the Blacks' shower.

Billy had left early that morning to fish with Charlie, leaving the house empty and quiet. Jacob pulled a pair of worn, black sweats over his hips and meandered into the kitchen, pulling a half-full box of cereal down from the top of the refrigerator. He could hear the hiss of water pumping through the house's aged pipes and, after a moment, he could hear the quiet trickle and splashes of water as Bella began her shower.

It was then that the phone rang, an innocuous, routine sound that gave no indication of the message that it heralded.

"Hello?" Jacob chirped. The impersonal technology of phone lines dampened his animal-like intuition and he could not sense the dread he should have felt.

"Hello, Jacob," came smooth reply that sent Jacob's stomach plummeting, "Is Bella there?"

He ran a hand through his hair, forcing calm into his voice.

"She's, er, she's in the bathroom."

Water continued to flush through the plumbing and Jacob quietly hoped it wouldn't be audible over the phone.

"Let her know I called," Edward's tone was infuriatingly serene, "We're in town."

For a moment, Bella was forgotten as Jacob's mind shifted to his role as an authority of the pack.

"How many of you?" he demanded, his voice was low and wary.

"All of us."

Jacob hung up then, his hand trembling. The water shut off. A moment later, Bella turned the corner, filling the small kitchen with her presence. She approached him slowly as he leaned against the avocado-green Formica counter. She was clad only in a blue towel; her bare shoulders were speckled with water droplets. She smiled, her expression was open, the physical badge of her new self. Her arms wrapped around his waist, her damp hair brushed his chin.

"Smell better?" she asked. Her fingers traced his spine.

He couldn't trust himself to say anything but the truth to her, and the truth was that her husband had come for her. So he said nothing.

She wasn't intimidated by his silence and brought her hands to the front of the flimsy, elastic waistband of his sweats, tugging gently and nuzzling her face against his collarbone, her lips finding purchase on the olive skin there.

They could both see the way the next moments should have gone so clearly in their minds. Jacob should have lifted her in an easy gesture to sit on the counter. He should have kissed her neck as she moved the fabric of his pants aside, leading him into her. The room should have echoed with her gasps as he moved within her, his hands on her breasts.

But he could stay silent no longer. He caught her hands at his waist, forcing them to her sides as he moved away.

"_He_'s here. In Forks, I mean. They're all back."

Her lips parted in shock. Her heart seemed to stop beating.

"Did you know they were coming?" his voice was almost accusatory.

Her reply was no more than a whisper, "No."

He cleared his throat noisily, trying to cough away the lump that grew there.

"Get dressed. I'll drive you back."

***

Within fifteen minutes, Jacob, Bella, and Bella's overnight bag (which had been packed to sustain her for a week's worth of nights) rumbled down the one-ten highway. They sat in silence. Only when she was nearly sure that the road distracted him did Bella glance at her companion. Jacob's jaw was set, his face still as stone as he stared through the rain-smeared windshield. She reached to touch his arm, but he shrugged her away.

"He'll already smell me on you enough," he had said. His reasoning was infallible.

They made as far as the border of the Reservation when Edward's Volvo emerged from the mist.

Jacob's car creaked to a stop, but Bella made no immediate movement.

"Do you want me to go with you?" he asked.

She turned to look at him, but he was staring across the invisible border, at Edward.

"It's okay."

Her heart felt as shattered as it had on the day she had been forced to choose Edward over Jacob. She could have cried, vomited, screamed, or cursed, but the act of reliving the aching, tortuous choice she had made on that day shocked her into numbness. Her options were even fewer now. The thought made her remember her initial reluctance to marry with bitter hindsight. She turned to grab her bag from the backseat.

He turned to her then, his eyes were desperate, searching.

"He won't hurt you? He wont—I mean, you won't let him…"

"No. Not yet."

She pulled her bag into her lap, reaching for the car door handle.

He stopped her with a hand on hers, below the dashboard, out of sight.

The possibility that this could easily be their last moment together struck them both at the same time, a realization that seemed to suck the oxygen from the tiny car. Breathing became labored, their heads swam and every experience they had shared seemed distilled into the comparatively chaste connection between Jacob's hand and Bella's arm.

Neither could speak. Panic rose in Bella's chest.

"I love you," Jacob spoke quickly, needing to say it before the moment was gone, "You know that?"

She couldn't breathe. She nodded, her eyes filling with tears as she left him, running through the rain toward Edward.


	2. Chapter 2

_Feel It All: Chapter 2_

By Polexia Aphrodite

Rating: M

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any characters portrayed in the story below.

* * *

Edward's Volvo sped east on the one-ten highway, heavy spring rain splattering against the windshield. His brow was furrowed; his eyes were golden and serious.

"Did you tell him how to keep me out?"

It was the first thing he had said to her.

"What?"

"I couldn't hear what he was thinking. He was just reciting geometry formulas in his head. Did you tell him to do that?"

She shrugged; the thought of talking about Jacob made her stomach churn. After her past two trips, she had had hours of time on dry, cool airplanes to decompress, to remember who she had to be around the Cullens. Now, going straight from Jacob to Edward, Bella was consumed with the realization that it had been barely an hour since she had been in Jacob's bed, in his arms, pressed against him in a way she never had been with Edward.

Edward let out a quick, frustrated sigh. They were near the one-ten when the car veered towards the house the Cullens still kept near Forks.

They entered the house together, Edward's arm around her shoulders, guiding her. The entire Cullen clan greeted them with little more than subdued nods, with the exception of Alice, who embraced Bella energetically.

Bella felt herself straighten. Something was wrong.

"What's going on?" she hated the weakness and confusion in her voice.

The roomful of statuesque figures exchanged wary glances as Edward tightened his arm around Bella, pinching her against his hard chest.

Carlisle spoke first.

"We've been contacted by the Volturi. If you're not changed soon, they'll come for you."

Edward spoke next; his icy fingers stroked her arm. Even through her flannel jacket, she couldn't help shivering.

"We've already booked tickets on the next flight to Denali. You can be changed safely there."

Bella's eyes widened in shock. She could feel rebellion bubbling in her chest.

Her head shook back and forth, "No. I can't – I'm not ready."

Edward looked down at her, and she knew she had caught him off guard.

"You know I don't want you to be changed, either," his voice was musical, soothing, but not enough to alleviate the rapid, panicked beat of Bella's heart, "But we don't have much choice now."

"Take me to Charlie's," the words tumbled out. _No more options_ she thought _Time to say goodbye._

Bella met her husband's gaze coolly, though it took all her inner strength to do so. Edward wanted to resist her, but he never could. Twenty minutes later, they pulled into her father's drive and made their way to his front door. Edward's posture stiffened as he turned the brass doorknob and strode into the house, but he said nothing.

* * *

Edward entered the Swan's kitchen behind Bella, who stopped short as she took in the view before her.

Jacob sat in one of Charlie's plastic-upholstered kitchen chairs. Billy sat in his wheelchair next to him. Both men looked at Edward the moment he entered.

"Game's on!" Charlie's called cheerfully from another room.

"On my way," Billy shouted back, moving slowly out of the room, looking warily between his son and Edward.

The room was silent for several long moments. Bella felt dizzy, trapped in the cramped, suffocating kitchen. The last time Bella had seen Jacob next to Edward, they had been crouched over in a windblown tent in the middle of the Olympic National Forest, and she had been deliriously exhausted. Now, seeing them stand almost directly apart from each other, she couldn't help but draw comparisons.

She had always been aware of Edward's translucent paleness, but, next to Jacob, he looked impossibly white. It was also the first time she noticed Edward's comparative slimness. Her mind wandered to the story of his death and she could suddenly imagine him, thin, pale, and dying in a hospital bed. Jacob could have been his polar opposite, overwhelmingly tall, his chest broad and arms thick, a flush of color tinting his cheeks pink. Bella found herself wishing without hope that one of them would leave the room. The two of them in a single space with her made her head spin.

"You okay, Bells?" Jake practically growled, his eyes still fixed on Edward.

"I'm fine," came her gruff reply, unable to help the resentment at the implication that she couldn't take care of herself (or keep her promises) that seeped into her voice. But she softened when she realized what she was about to tell him, what she had to tell him. In one breathless sentence, she had explained the situation, and the inescapability of her future.

As she finished speaking, Jacob shook his head.

"I don't accept that. There have to be other options."

"I suppose you could—," Edward began, "You could try to run from them. But you would be alone. If I came with you, they would find us."

Bella felt her heart sink.

"Not alone," Jacob interjected. His eyes were locked with Edward's, but his expression was not one of bold defiance, as it had been in the past, but was instead filled with calm reservation. She turned back to Edward and, judging from his clouded, guarded expression, Bella instantly knew that Jacob was no longer thinking about math equations.

She looked at him, silently pleading, until his dark eyes turned to her.

"I thought you weren't going to tear me apart," she murmured. She had thought of running away with Jacob before, of course, back in the days when he had been terrified of Sam Uley's supposed cult, before they had both learned the truth about the Quileute gang. But even now that Edward was back, now that she was married, the idea of leaving everything behind with Jake was tempting enough to re-open the old, half-healed fissures in her heart.

"I can't make you do anything you don't want to do," Jacob's spoke slowly and softly. It was a tone that was intimate enough to make Bella feel suddenly hyper-aware and almost embarrassed to be in Edward's presence. "It's your choice, Bells," Jacob continued, "No one can make it for you."

He knew that he had forced her hand once before, when he had kissed her against her will, trusting that it would shock her into realization. He had been wrong then, and he wouldn't make the same mistake twice. Jacob knew that whatever happened next was in her hands, not his.

Bella could envision both paths before her. With Edward, she could exist for eternity, financially comfortable, constantly protected, but trapped in the body of an undead, untouchable, inhuman being, like some reverse Galatea. With Jacob, she saw a future on the run – an endless stream of constant driving, greasy diner food and dirty hotel rooms, but it was a future of warm bodies and humanity. It was real.

Edward broke her reverie, stepping nearer to her but hesitating before reaching out to touch her.

"You _do_ have a choice," he admitted, "but…please don't make me lose you again." His expression was contorted by pain; the very idea was enough to inflame the instinctual, compulsive part of him that craved her presence. "I can't be without you again. The last time was…and then all the times you've left New Hampshire…" he trailed off, rendered inarticulate by his panic.

Bella looked at Jacob, her brow knitted. He stared back at her. Something in his expression made her grow calm; she could feel her rapid, hysterical breathing slow. She turned back to her husband.

"Not everything is about you, Edward," her voice sounded disconnected and distant, even to her own ears, "This is my life." Aside from her declarations of love, it was the most honest thing she had ever said to him.

Edward blinked. She had hurt him. Bella flashed a suggestive glance at Jacob and he left the kitchen silently. Bella could hear him asking Charlie the baseball game's score through the house's thin walls.

Edward's face was placid, still. His patience was truly without end.

"I'm not a fool, Bella. I know what you do with him when you're here. I can see—I saw…" he shook his head, as if the gesture could erase the explicit scene he had only just witnessed in Jacob's mind.

Bella's face blushed a furious pink.

He continued, "I know why you did it. I'm glad you did it. I've always wanted you to have…every human experience you can before changing. But it's not everything. It's such a small thing, really." He moved closer to her, placing his hand on her arm.

Her brow furrowed. Is that what her relationship with Jacob had been over the past year? A 'small thing'? A manifestation of some superficial, base need to mate and nothing more? Something in her bristled at the implication. Her jaw clenched. _No_ _no nonono_ the mantra beat a tattoo in her brain_ It wasn't like that._

His voice interrupted her thoughts. "Is having…" he thought for a moment, searching for a euphemism, "a physical relationship worth changing everything for?"

_He can barely even talk about this,_ she thought. Unconsciously, memories of Jacob, whispering all manner of descriptive obscenities in her ear as he thrust into her unashamedly, rose to the fore of her mind. With Jacob, there was no censorship, no embarrassment.

"Edward," she began, but how could she explain it to him? How could she explain that her love for him was solemn and sacred, like a catechism, but that her love for Jacob made her heart feel light and her head spin with joy? How could she explain anything she had experienced with Jacob to someone who had died before knowing what it was to be warmed by the embrace of a lover? She couldn't even begin to try.

"I don't want to change everything," she said at last, "I just want…I don't know. Something else. I wish I had known it sooner. I wish I had known it before I met you, before it could hurt so much."

His face, flawlessly beautiful as always, crumpled.

"We can try again, I promise. And it will be different after you've changed," his voice was small, defeated.

Bella breathed deeply. She had heard this before and knew that she had to take control, had to be the one to show him that this was the right choice.

"I have to go."

* * *

They stayed off the Interstate, winding down the 101 Highway, hugging the coast as they made their way south, stopping only for gas and to stock up on fast food. Somewhere around Lincoln City, Bella rolled down the car's window, letting salty, cool ocean air tangle her hair as she drifted into sleep.

Hours later, the car stopped. Bella's eyes fluttered open, woken by the now-unusual stillness of the Volkswagen. It was just past six in the morning and they had crossed the border into California. In front of them, in the dim post-dawn light, a short beach slid into turquoise water, dotted by sandbars.

Bella slid easily between the two front seats and into the cramped backseat of the Rabbit. She reached forward to tug at the collar of Jacob's t-shirt, and he followed her, his larger form barely squeezing through the seats.

They fumbled with their own clothing. Bella pushed her jeans completely off as Jacob shoved his own down to his knees. Their union was uncomfortable and rougher than any of their previous times, but necessary. Bella pulled at his hair, Jacob gripped her backside, forcing her against him as she moaned in gratification. Every twinge of discomfort or awkward angle was an affirmation of life. Neither of them spoke as the car rocked violently beneath them.

When they were both spent and sated, Bella pulled her jeans up and slid into the driver's seat. "I'm driving," she declared, "It's your turn to sleep."

Over the next year, they wound across the lower half of the continent, staying in the sun. Bella wrote the name of every city they passed through in a spiral bound notebook she had picked up at a gas station in California: Los Angeles, Las Vegas, Salt Lake City, Santa Fe, Galveston, Corpus Christi, Monterrey, Guadalajara, Roswell, Tucson. They passed over mountains, basked on warm beaches, waded in streams to cool off. Bella made sandwiches as the car sped down highways and read newspaper articles out loud while Jacob drove. Jacob collected pebbles and taught himself Spanish.

On the road, they weren't who they were in Forks. There were no roles to be filled. No Charlie, no Cullens, no tribal obligations. On the road, they were their truest selves. It didn't spare them from homesickness, but when they were stricken by pangs of remembrance, they learned to pull the car to the side of the road and talk for hours about surfing in the cold Pacific Ocean, wandering in mossy, evergreen forests, and raucous meals with the Quileute gang. The pain always passed and they would keep going.

They stopped the longest in Sedona, transfixed by the folksy town surrounded by brilliant red sandstone buttes. They checked into a hotel and spent days hiking in the hot sun, sipping warm bottled water, and retiring to their freezing, air-conditioned room after watching the heart-stopping sunset reflect off orange rock formations.

In late April they were three days from the anniversary of the beginning of their trek. Early one morning, when the sky was only just beginning to lighten into dawn, Jacob and Bella lay, quiet and awake in their hotel room. Jacob's heavy hand traced the curved planes of Bella's stomach, occasionally brushing the bottom of her breasts or the tops of her thighs. She knew instinctively that it wasn't an initiatory or sexual gesture. They had settled into a comfortable, serene life together where sensuality was just a natural extension of their friendship. In that moment, Jacob's fingers outlining the swell of her breast felt as natural and comfortable as if he were holding her hand.

"I'm done with Arizona," she said aloud, the words echoing off the bare hotel room walls, "Can we go east? I've always wanted to go to New Orleans."

Jacob smiled; it sounded rehearsed, like she had been thinking about it for a while. "New Orleans? Aren't we trying to _avoid_ vampires?"

She rolled her eyes and he smiled. _Interview with a Vampire _had been on cable earlier that week, and they had watched it in spite of themselves.

He yawned and sat up, stretching his arms over his head.

"Showering?" she asked. He nodded, turning abruptly to capture her under him. Her arms wrapped around him as his weight pressed her into the mattress. His lips met the side of her neck and her hands moved to massage his lower back. His leg slid between hers. Bella moaned as he lowered a hand to cup her sex.

Jacob's head raised unexpectedly, his eyes fixed on the room's only window, his breathing stilled. His hair was long again, and the ends brushed Bella's cheek beneath him. Something was wrong.

A second later, three sharp raps sounded on the thin wood of the hotel room door. Bella looked up at him with wide eyes; he met her gaze.

"Get in the bathroom." He spoke so softly, she would never have heard him if she hadn't been so close.

Silently, the pair left the bed. Grabbing her discarded outfit from the day before, Bella retreated, turning the bathroom doorknob to close it quietly. Even so, as she dressed, she knew that their movements would still be deafening to supernatural ears.

She heard the front door open, then close, punctuated by the indiscernible murmurs of masculine and feminine voices.

The bathroom door swung open, nearly off its hinges. A scream stuck in Bella's throat.


End file.
